Burger King

This lunchtime, I sneaked off to Wendys and ate a double cheeseburger in my car. I caught a glimpse of myself eating in the mirror. I was hunched over the steering wheel like some grotesque cheeseburger-Gollum. The sky was grey and the car park was an endless sea of tatty SUVs. As I lapped up the succulent, 770-calorie goodness, I watched the people of the strip mall shuffle to and from their cars, and wondered whether a second Biblical flood would be a bad thing or a good thing. I might be too fat to swim to safety.